26 Funny Birthday Wishes For Wife

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A Wife’s birthday is a special day that gives every partner a chance to honor the only woman they have eyes for. When it comes to pulling out at all the stops to make sure that your Wife has the best birthday, there’s a whole bunch of tasks to cover. From finding and securing the very best gift you can get your hands on, to organizing a birthday party that you will only get to enjoy a little amid making sure that everything is running smoothly being the host and all. 

To help you tick one item off your great big list of things-to-do before your Wife’s birthday, we’ve constructed some real masterpieces in terms of birthday wishes that will be sure to leave all the wives reading these cute messages with beautiful and indelible smiles. Let’s jump straight in starting with some funny belly-ticklers.

Short and funny birthday wishes for Wife

A smiling man and woman holding silly props, woman holds up a moustache and glasses, the man holds a small purple hat cardboard prop.
  1. Happy birthday to my beautiful Wife. You know that you’re getting on a little when you overhear someone talking about 50 shades of gray and think that they are making a reference to your hair!
  2. Happy birthday Grandma, congratulations on finally qualifying for your senior citizens’ discount. I must say, you look pretty damn hot for an old gal!
  3. Happy birthday to my sweet candy Wife! You look good enough to eat and just one hot kiss with you might give me diabetes! 
  4. Happy birthday to my sweet love! They say that marriage is all about compromise, so I compromised by letting you think you’re always right. Here’s to another year of impeccable negotiation skills and conflict resolution. 
  5. Happy birthday to my lovely Wife. Our love and bond is so strong that not even death could separate us, and to be honest I’m not sure if you find that comforting or frightening.
  6. I was unable to find a tangible gift that embodied my feelings for you, and also one that you can’t exchange or refund. So here is a trailer load of love with crates full of kisses and imaginary hearts for your birthday gift. Have a great birthday! 
  7. Wishing my Wife a happy birthday and many happy returns for another joyful year ahead. Gray hair or not, you’ll always be my stunning stylish Wife!

Cheeky birthday wishes for Wife

College backdrop with couple overlaid. Text reads Birthday. Wife covers eyes in anticipation, husband holds flowers.
  1. Happy birthday to my darling Wife. They say that, as you get older, your taste in music preference of venue starts to change. Apparently the most popular genres for the older generation are Heavy Metal, Hip-Op and Minimal House and aged revelers are known to gather at these places called “Sightclubs” for a few glasses during the early hours.
  2. Wishing my sweet baby a wonderful birthday! To celebrate your special day, I’ve got a special birthday gift for you, but I have to give it to you in private or we could both get arrested for indecent exposure and public nudity. Not ideal, but it would make for a hilarious birthday story!
  3. Happy birthday dearest Wife! As you blow out all those candles on your birthday cake, just remember that growing older comes with some amazing benefits, for example, getting closer to becoming eligible for a senior citizens discount with each year.
  4. Happy birthday to my wonderful Wife! Keeping living your life like it has no limit. It shouldn’t be difficult for you, you just have to treat your life like it’s my credit card!
  5. Wishing my loving Wife the best birthday today! They say behind every successful man is a surprised Wife who can’t believe he remembered her birthday. Well, surprise my dear sweetheart, my memory didn’t fail me this time!
  6. Happy birthday to my gorgeous Wife. As radiant as you are, I would be lying if I said you weren’t starting to look more and more like my mother-in-law with each day that passes. So, to stop my nightmares becoming reality, I’ve decided to give you a very suitable birthday gift this year – the best facial makeover that money can buy!
  7. Happy Birthday to my sexy Wife! I’ve got to say, you look absolutely sizzling for  your birthday party.. I thought we could spice things up this year, so I bought you a special gift – a one-to-one after party you’ll never forget! 

Sarcastic birthday wishes for Wife

Middle-aged couple, shocked faces illuminated by touchpad screen, sitting at table at night
  1. Happy birthday to my darling Wife. Asking me to write romantic birthday wishes is like asking Metallica to sing a soul ballad – a brain-melting situation creating a total disconnect from known territory. In the absence of romance, however, I hope that my sense of humor and ability to make you grunt like a pig when you laugh too hard make up for the deficit in loving sentiments.
  2. Out of the seven billion people on the face of this Earth, I can quite frankly say that there is no other living soul that I would want to spend most of my days with. Now, if that doesn’t make you feel special and valued, I’m sure another one of the seven billion people would be happy to take your place. 
  3. Wishing my lovely Wife a very happy birthday! In the interest of helping you to stay healthy and in good shape, I am volunteering to devour your slice of birthday cake as well as my own portion. No need to thank me, I’m just being a considerate husband.
  4. Happy birthday to my sweet Wife! They say marriage is about sharing, but apparently this only applies to things that belong to me. So, this year I got you your own birthday cake honey. No need to dig into this separate non-birthday-related cake I bought for myself. Plenty of yours there to keep you going.
  5. Happy birthday to my beautiful and intelligent Wife. Do you ever think about how you always hoped you’d find a smart, good-looking and successful partner, then look at me and think “how could I have got it that wrong?” Haha, only joking! Wait – why aren’t you laughing?
  6. Here’s to setting up our joint bank account for paying all of OUR essential bills. You know, things like our gas, electricity, water, your hair appointments, manicures and pedicures, monthly shoe orders big enough to cover all the Miss World contestants.

Witty birthday wishes for Wife

Couple horsing around in kitchen with gifts and cake. He makes faces, trying to stare at frosting she put on his nose
  1. They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I think credit cards come in at a close second, and those little dog pet chihuahua thingies third. The word “husband” doesn’t seem to appear anywhere on the list. Oh, my mistake, It’s listed as “Payment Provider’.
  2. Happy birthday sweetheart! They say love is like fine wine, best shared with a hot kiss and a load of cheese! So pucker up and let’s make your birthday bash the most brie-lliant birthday party ever!
  3. Wishing the sweet love of my life, my amazing Wife, a wonderful birthday. You’re the keeper of my heart and the guardian of my credit card bill. Here’s to another year of sweet memories, endless laughter and wondering where all of our money went!
  4. Happy birthday to my dear Wife. I’ve been writing a screenplay where a crazy lady finds a lost man and makes him her husband before she treats him like her special pet. He becomes the best husband she could ask for, obeying her ludicrous orders in return for mere cuddles and backrubs. I call this screenplay “The Spousetrap” (loosely based on a true story).
  5. Wishing a very happy birthday to my dearest Wife. I can’t wait to catch you off guard with my candid camera again. I’ve been looking forward to capturing more photos of you to create more Wife memes for my Instagram page. The ones I made after your last birthday got over 100,000 shares! 
  6. Wishing my stylish Wife a great birthday. Apparently, having grey hair is a sign of wisdom and it’s also become very popular in recent fashion trends, even among younger people. If such is the case, you’re basically a cross between Socrates and America’s next top model.


As we bring this article to a close, remember that it’s the thought and sentiment behind your words that truly matter. The presents and all the other material things are just sparkly extras, but the real love lies within your birthday message, even if it’s wrapped in a cloak of comedy. What’s a birthday without a few good laughs after all, especially at the expense of the person celebrating their special day. We bid you a farewell and the best of luck delivering the perfect birthday wish to your dear Wife to leave her grinning like a Cheshire cat.

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