39 Witty and Sarcastic Birthday Wishes

What’s a birthday wish without a little bit of sarcasm? Are you really that close to someone if you can’t poke a little fun at them on their biggest day of the year? Probably not! So, here’s a bunch of cheeky quips to help a loved one have a sarcastic birthday with a touch of sincere love hidden well between the lines. We’ve come up with a few cheeky birthday messages to say happy birthday to someone you cherish, while throwing a bit of comedy into the mix – even if it’s at their expense! Let’s get cracking.

Short and Sarcastic Birthday Wishes

1. Happy birthday, buddy! I was going to make a cheeky quip about your age, but age-related jokes just don’t hit the same when you’re actually an old-timer!
2. I’m sending this birthday wish to the birthday boy hoping that he finds that wisdom that seems to have been missing all of these years. There’s still time…well…a little!
3. Wishing a great birthday to someone who likes to party hard til the lights come on. Not sure what the Senior Citizen’s home’s policy is on that. You might want to find out because you haven’t got long until it’s your time to check in!
4. Another year, another opportunity to blame life’s problems on being young at heart. There’s a time limit on that excuse so live care-free for as long as you can!
5. Happy birthday! Here’s to another 365 days of finding creative ways to feel young, look young and definitely avoid acting our real age!
6. You know you’re getting old when you receive more birthday messages from random Facebook friends than your actual friends. It’s crazy that your old boss from McDonald’s remembered to wish you a Happy Birthday, but not a word from Steve from high school!
7. Calling someone old sounds so rude. How about “weathered”? No wait, that’s even worse. “Mature” maybe? Forget it, you might as well just call it a day and accept old age. 
8. Here’s a quick test to see if you’re old. First question, do you know what a dial-up modem sounds like? Second question, have you ever had to use one? If you answered yes to both, then please stop calling yourself young.
9. Remember when you used to tell people you’re older to seem more mature? If you now find yourself doing the opposite, then I’m sorry to say your young days are officially over.
10. Happy birthday to the most awesome human being! Here’s a short birthday wish to suit your short attention span! I’d rather not confuse your tiny brain with too many words!
11. I did a search for the best birthday gifts for your age group. The top suggestions were a walking stick, a panic alarm and a hearing aid. 

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Parents

12. Happy birthday Dad! Thanks for showing me how to drive a stick, maybe soon you can show me how to walk with one, I mean you seem pretty experienced! Don’t worry, no matter how old you get, I swear I won’t put you in a home…or will I? Let’s see how you play your cards over the next few years!
13. Congratulations on completing another successful year, Dad! According to Mom, you’re the world’s most experienced teenager. She’s been saying for years how she feels like she’s married to a 15-year-old! 
14. Happy birthday Mom! A few more years and you’ll have to retake your driving test to prove your competency. From the way Dad speaks about your driving skills, I’m not sure you stand a chance even if you were to retake the test now.
15. Dear Mom, have a smashing birthday! Here’s to another 12 months of fighting to keep up with technology. At this rate, we’ll have self-flying commercial planes by the time you figure out how to work a smartphone!

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Wife

16. Here’s a loving, but honest birthday wish for my one and only. You’re like a fine wine. Rare, elegant, delicious and enticing, but also the main cause of a pounding headache the next day after spending a whole evening with you! 
17. Happy birthday, darling! Unfortunately, there aren’t any candles on your birthday cake this year as there simply wasn’t enough room to fit them there. You would have thought a giant cake would have enough space for that many candles, but sadly nope! 
18. Happy birthday wishes to my boss…I mean wife! Here’s to another wonderful year of spa vouchers, romantic dinners and arguing over who’s doing the dishes laundry! Maybe if you stop spending all the money in our joint account, we can afford to hire some help. 
19. Wishing my dear spouse the loveliest birthday. Many things improve with age, unfortunately, selective hearing isn’t one of them! I might start communicating with you by text only, as you seem to enjoy staring at your phone more than my handsome face! 

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Husband

20. Have a great birthday dear! Enjoy another year of trying to perfect that “I’m still young at heart” routine. Your mind might trick you into believing you’re still 18, but your mobility screams senior citizen on the waiting list for a knee-op! 
21. Happy birthday to my dear hubby! Don’t feel old yet huh? Well, here are a few facts that might slap you back to reality. Rocky Balboa is now 78, The Terminator is 77 and Power Rangers is over 30 years old! Still feel like a spring chicken now?
22. I’d like to wish my lovely hubby a very happy birthday! Most women hope to marry their knight in shining armor. My aim must have been slightly off because I ended up with a court jester in pajamas instead! I still love you all the same and whatever you’re missing in ravishing looks, you make up for with your humor. Mostly when I’m laughing at you!
23. Happy birthday, darling! Here’s to another amazing year of me being wonderful and you being…well, bearable at a stretch. Just kidding! You’re the light of my life, although it doesn’t hurt to turn down the brightness settings now and again. 

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Son

24. Happy birthday Son! If you don’t already have a hard time losing your keys as often as you do, we’re sorry to inform you that it’s about to get a lot more frequent! Not just your keys, but your phone, your wallet and eventually your mind! Enjoy the last dribs and drabs of whatever youth you have left – if you can call it that!
25. We wish our lovely birthday boy a lovely celebration today. We still remember your first birthday party, well just about! It seems like centuries ago now to be honest. You’ve grown into a loving, charming MAN-CHILD! No matter how old you are son, you’ll always be that same cheeky kid at heart!
26. Dear son, we wish you another exciting birthday! We’re so proud of everything you’ve achieved. It’s a miracle that you’ve got this far considering how many times you bumped your head as a kid. It might have made you a little wacky, but hey we love you all the same!
27. Happy birthday, champ! You’re growing up so fast. Maybe not fast enough to clean your room without being asked, but hey baby steps, right? Last year you learned how to wash your own clothes, let’s see what massive life-changing abilities you gain this year.

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Daughter

28. Happy birthday wishes to our delightful daughter! It’s funny, no matter how old you become, the Bank of Mom and Dad still seems to be your main source of funds. Except now, instead of pocket money, they’re referred to as “0% loans with no repayment period”. 
29. We wish our darling daughter a fabulous happy birthday. You’re still young enough to ignore our precious “life tips”, but old enough to secretly agree with most of them! Don’t worry, we’ll play along and let you believe you discovered all that wisdom on your own!
30. Happy birthday to our dear daughter! Remember, you’re never too old to need us. However, soon we might be too old to fulfill your wishes. Surely you soaked up all the brilliant life advice we imparted to you over the years, right? We hope so because we can’t recall half of it now!
31. Hey sweetheart, have a terrific birthday! I might not be the young athletic man I once was, but I’ve still got enough strength and stamina to fend off boyfriends! You might be all grown up now, but you’ll always be my sweet little girl whom I’ll protect until my last day…or at least until my back goes out! 

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Sibling

32. Happy birthday to my mischievous brother, aka the big trouble maker of our otherwise well-behaved family. You’re a living and breathing example that, regardless of what some might say, being old and immature works a charm, although it might be somewhat of an acquired taste when you’re searching for a serious life partner.
33. Happy b day broski! They say one should act their age. If your age was 5 then I’d say you’ve been doing a great job. However, considering your real age and how you behave, you might want to get tested for Peter Pan syndrome! 
34. Hey sis, Happy birthday! Apparently, it’s rude to ask a woman her age. But then how will people know if you’re entitled to a senior citizen’s discount or not? If they’re judging by looks, you might just save yourself a few bucks! 
35. Hey sis, I was thinking about potential birthday gift ideas to send in the mail, but sadly I couldn’t find a box large enough to fit both our parents, so you’ll have to handle the next year on your own! Good luck figuring out how to take on new responsibilities without a helping hand from Mommy and Daddy.

Sarcastic Birthday Wishes for Friend

36. Happy birthday to my dearest friend! I hope you haven’t become too senile to remember me, your best pal. I’ll remind you again in ten minutes. By then you’ll probably have forgotten your own name!
37. Congratulations pal! You’re one year closer to cataracts and assisted living. Don’t worry we’ll still party hard until you need a hip replacement…then we’ll party less hard and more responsibly. 
38. Happy birthday to my best buddy who looks a little more “mature” every time we meet. They say wine improves with age. You’re more like a grape. Gaining more wrinkles and shrinking day by day. At this rate, you’ll look like a raisin by your next birthday!
39. Happy birthday to the coolest person I know. You’re like a rare antique collectable – getting older but still somehow valuable. Here’s to you achieving “classic” status in the next few years. It can’t be long now!

Conclusion

We hope we’ve set you up with the best sarcastic birthday wishes you can find. From age-related jokes to loads of other hilarious digs, there’s definitely something among these sarcastic yet funny birthday wishes that will either have your loved one peeing themselves with laughter or trying to kick your butt for offending them. These happy b day wishes might have you looking like the big troublemaker of the day, but remember, it’s all in jest and laughter is the best medicine!